One-shots On SAO
by KayoiKokone
Summary: One-shots inspired by sword art online (Kayoi and Kokone take turns) -Asuna x Kirito (some) Lisbeth x Klein. Please read. And review. And follow. PLEASE. (DISCONTINUED)
1. Slice of life

One-shots on Sword Art Online

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Sword Art Online**

Author notes: This is my first time writing to public, please don't judge badly, Kayoi has more experience than me; you will see her in the next chapter. Enjoy!

Chapter I: Slice of life

Asuna's perspective

"Kirigaya-sama!" My ears perked up at Kirito's name being called. Beside me, Kirito tensed up. It was probably a name he didn't recognise, that must mean…

"Kirigaya-sama!" I whipped around, quickly dropping my glare that formed. Eh? There was no girl, there was no girl trying to fawn on him and distract me from him. "Ahahaha! Asuna! I totally saw that killer glare! You totally fell for it!" A voice screamed at me. Where? Where was the person? I turned to shot Kirito a frown, as I did, a girl with wild brown hair leaped on me. "S-Shinozaki?!" Shinozaki, with the game name of Lisbeth, shot me a mischievous smile. "Heh, so little Asuna wanted Kirito all to herself right?" she wiggled her eyebrows comically.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kirito's face switching to something from amusement to confusion then to embarrassment then back to amusement. "I saw that! All of that! I've recorded it! For no apparent reason!" from behind a neighbouring building, Tsuboi leaped out of the shadows, camera in hand. "I also have Lisbeth jumping on Asuna like a younger sis-"

"What was that, baka?" Shinozaki turned to Tsuboi with a death glare. "I'm putting this for all to see on ALO!" Tsuboi continued, seeing no apparent danger. "Do you want to die young bastard?" Shinozaki seethed.

"Yes, let me die young and fabulo- Oh crap!" Tsuboi took off the other direction; handling his camera carefully as Shinozaki ran after him shouting "Don't run you bastard!" there was a minute of silence as we watched them run to what seemed to be Tsuboi's house. "They fit each other, don't you think?" Kirito muttered. I couldn't help but agree. Then it hit me. "Aha! Kirito-kun! Help me get them together!" I glanced over at him for permission or a nod of the head. "…What?!" A small pink-like tint rose to his neck and ears. He looked kind of cute like that. "Hmm, it's fine, you don't have to do much, just help me a little." I flashed him the sweetest smile I could offer.

"O-ok." He murmured, rubbing the back of his neck. "Ah! Thank you Kirito-kun!" I said, sitting down on a wooden bench that happened to be very close to me. As soon as I sat, the street lights turned on, signalling the end of dusk. I patted the seat next to me. "Come Kirito-kun." He sat down next to me, hands in his lap. He flipped open his computer and the sudden light hit our faces, making me blink. Seeing my face in brief distraught, he muttered a sorry and dimmed the screen down.

He quickly typed something down and hit enter, rather worriedly. The ALO chatting site online popped up.

 _Klein: Lisbeth beat me up_

 _Lisbeth: That's what u deserve u moron_

 _Silica: Please calm down guys_

 _Sinon: Klein got beaten by Lisbeth... Hehe_

 _Klein: Sinon! Y u gotta be so mean!_

Kirito grinned and quickly typed something down.

 _Kirito: Klein is a sore loser_

 _Klein: Not u too!_

 _Leafa: Kirito! Stop chatting and come home! Dinner's ready!_

 _Sinon: you're chatting too… |(' A ')/_

 _Klein: ahahah… plz don't kill me_

 _Leafa: I'm chatting coz I already ate before onii-chan_

 _Silica: I see… I'm going to grab chips then_

Before I could see the next message, Kirito gently closed his laptop, giving me time to move my hands before I got them squished. He grinned at me. "Do you want me to walk you home Asuna?" I shook my head slowly; I could tell that he was anxious to eat. "Are you sure?" he asked, tilting his head to the side. "Of course! See you tomorrow Kirito-kun!" I said cheerfully giving him a large grin. He squeezed my hand and ran towards his house, turning to wave. I waved back enthusiastically and began my short walk home. Hmm, perhaps I should host a party to get them to bond? No… my parents will kill me. I suppose I could have a sleepover at… nope, that won't do; they will insist to stay in separate rooms. Maybe I could… Aha! I can go camping with them!

"Mother! May I go camping? It will increase my outdoor priorities!" I said gleefully, taking off my shoes. Mission get Klein and Lisbeth together is in pull!

Author notes: I re-watched the ' _servant series_ ' Got hit in da feels real hard TT^TT I mean, seriously, Lenny-kun and Rinny-chan!


	2. Chapter 2: Shinon and Pina the cat

Sao fanfic

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Sword art online. If I did, it would be probably the most shit thing you ever watch.**

AN:And to think this is actually happening. I'm Kayoi, and no, I am not good at this. Last time i wrote a fanfic, It stank. Anyway, next time is Kokone turn!

To think Shinon could have a normal day if it weren't for Keiko's stupid cat Pina.

The day started well enough. She was walking along the markets when her cell rang

"Keiko-san? What's up?"she greeted.

"SHINION-SAN! PINA HAS GONE MISSING AND I CAN'T FIND HER! HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPx100000000"screamed Keiko

"Woah Keiko-san, calm down. Start from the top and tell me everything"

"I was playing with Pina but then i needed to go pee so i left Pina on the couch. When i came back she was GONE! SHINION-SAN HELP ME!"

"Can't you ask someone else to help?"

"NO KIRITO-KUN IS STUDYING, AUSNA-CHAN IS IN KYOTO, TSUBOI -SAN AND AGIL-SAN IS AT WORK, SHINOZAKI-CHAN IS AT THE DENTIST AND SUGHA-SAN IS AT KENDO. HELP ME SHINON SAN!"

Cue the awkward silence.

"Fine Keiko-san but only this once"

"YAY SHINON-SAN, YOUR THE BEST EVER!"

Shinion gave a sigh and hung up. This is going to be a long day.

LINE BREAK

After putting away her shopping at her house (Kirito-kun fitted a new lock on her door) she set off for the park.

She knew the cat Pina was the name sake of Keiko's dragon in ALO and it was white with grey streaks. She was looking around for the cat when a white streak flew past her. Her eyes were at 2.0 so she could see very well so she ran after it, stopping once in a while to catch her breath or to ask anybody if they had seen the stupid cat.

When she found it, she was suprised.

"It... It... It was a dog? KEIKO-SAN!" She yelled, which gained a few looks from a pair of joggers but she didn't care. Then her cell rang.

"Keiko-san? Whats up?"she greeted again.

"Don't worry Shinon-san. Pina came back home!" She replied.

"You have got to be kidding me."

"Nope, so you don't have to search for her anymore!"

At that moment, she hung up and thundered home.

And she punched her wall.

Then went into GGO and punched a player in the gut. And that is why you should never make Shinon mad.

AN: That was probably the weirdest thing I wrote. Well anyway, its 100 one-shots.


	3. Chapter 3: Yandere fan

One-shots on SAO

 **Disclaimer: I do not own sword art online**

 **AN: Hi guys! I would like to send my regards out to GameLord4BritishBroines who FOLLOWED our story! Anyways, Kayoi and I are trying to find as much spare time as possible to fit in a story or two. GET READY TO GIMME COOKIES AND NOODLES!**

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Chapter 3: Yandere alert

Lisbeth's POV

"Hurry up Ryo! Step on the god-damned pedal!" Ryotaro turned away from the wheel for a second to shoot me a glare. 'Shut up! This is as fast as I can go!" Shinon looked around hurriedly, "Gimme something to throw!" she screamed, still looking around the seat of the car. Keiko grabbed a tissue box, gave a sigh of disapproval then grabbed a water bottle, filled to the brim. I stuck my head out as far as it could go whilst still being legal. A small figure ran behind the car, quickly advancing our pace.

"She's catching up! Hurry up!" I shouted without bringing my head back in. I highly doubt they heard me since the roar of the wind was so intense. "How is that HUMAINLY POSSIBLE?!" Kirito shouted, losing his natural cool.

-10 minutes earlier-

Asuna's POV

I briefly glanced around at my surroundings. Another chill went racing up my spine. I swear I felt a pair of eyes burn on my back. "Err…K-Kirito-kun…Can we walk just a little faster?" I fidgeted with my sleeve and gently tugged on a loose string. Kirito glanced at me, concern masking his face. "Sure… What's wrong though?" he said, tilting his head to the side.

"Erm, I think someone's watching us…" I muttered, each word sounding stupider as they resounded in my head. Someone following us? Who would do that? My mind was suddenly flushed with people who might. Most of them were just close friends who were looking for someone to prank. _If they are just close friends then we might be ok._ I repeated this in my head and slowly noticed my shoulders loosen up the tenseness cramped in them.

Kirito flashed me a reassuring smile then grabbed my hand, increasing our walking speed slightly. "Kirigaya-sama!" A voice rang out faintly but it sounded like a wailing siren in the midst of this silence. "Kirigaya-sama!" The voice called out again, this time, louder than before. Just as startled as me, Kirito whirled around, legs in a position ready to run if the worst case scenario happens.

Lisbeth's POV

"And then, Woosh! The pencil flew right past the teacher and crashing right into the paper tower! Ahhh, it was satisfying when the class's hard work just came CRASHING DOWN! AHH! I SWEAR I'M GONNA KILL WHOEVER THREW IT!" I screamed out the last statements, cursing under my breath. "Ah, Rika-chan, don't worry, er-" Keiko began.

I glanced over to my left, Asuna clutched desperately onto Kirito's arm while he looked ready to bolt. A girl stood in front of them, animatedly chatting about something inaudible. From behind me, Shinon muttered with a hint of amusement "So Kirito has more than one fan girl eh? I had to chase another one away for him the other day…" at the end, she chuckled silently as Keiko smiled.

"Kirito! Asuna! FANGIRL ALERT!" I screamed, cupping my mouth so that my voice could easily project. "Step away from Kirito woman!" Shinon shouted, she couldn't help but smile about how stupid she sounded just then.

I swear I saw her eyes light on fire. "Shinon Asada… GET AWAY FROM MY MAN! YOU TOO ASUNA!" Both of them flinched at their names being used harshly. _That woman's crazy_ , I concluded. "Kirito! Kiss me!" She shrieked, turning her attention on him. "W-W-WHAT?!" He screamed.

"Kirito…doesn't like me… ITS ALL YOUR FAULT ASUNA!" She cried louder, if it were possible. "W-what?" she stuttered, hiding behind Kirito. "DIE!"

-present time-

Jesus just _thinking_ about what happened gives me the chills. After that, we all ran for it and Ryotaro just happened to be walking by so we all hopped onto his car, dragging him into this mess. _We are such good friends._

Leaning out and opening the door slightly, Shinon aimed the bottle at the girl. Then… she let go, yep, just let go. She didn't throw it or push it slightly, she just _let go?! "_ Shinon?Why did you do that?!" I had to take back my words at that instant because the bottle _flew_ and hit the girl on her shoulder, causing her to stumble. I had no idea that we were going that fast.

She regained her poster and yelled at the top of her lungs. "I WILL HAVE YOUR HEART KIRITO! ONE WAY OR ANOTHER!" She pulled out a short knife, slashing it wildly in the air. "What the hell?!" He screamed, forgetting the use of his normal language.

"THAT'S IT! I'M CALLING THE POLICE! WHO GIVES A DAMN IF WE GET A SPEEDING FINE! THIS IS MURDER!" I swiftly pulled out my phone.

 **AN: Ahahaha… sorry, I had nothing else that I could choose from. This story was btw inspired by a small little Role-play that me and a friend of mine did for fun, only that they were Vocaloid characters and not SAO characters.**


	4. Why Kirito and puzzles don't mix

**Disclaimer: I don't own SAO. And you would know why.**

 **AN:Hello! Its me again! So I'm writing again. Read the chapter and say whatever shit you want.**

Kirigaya hated logic puzzles.

Ever since he had to solve one on floor 74 to get into the boss room, he had hated them.

So when he logged onto ALO for the clearing party and saw that floor 27 had logic puzzle door, he nearly fainted.

"Kirito-kun, are you ok?" Asuna asked him.

"I...I... I'm fine Asuna-san. Just fine." He stammered.

"Oni-chan, are you sure you are ok? Are you sure you don't wanna log off or something?" Leafa asked innocently.

"No worries! I'll be fine."

"Ok oni-chan"

He stared at the boss door. He smiled weakly and said "Hey guys, why don't you go check if there are any hidden treasure rooms or something" he said to his friends.

"Ok Kirito-kun!"

When they have left he said to himself " _Kirigaya you idiot. Do you really think you can beat this door?"_

No he can't .

But he tried anyway.

He looked at the door. It seemed to be made out of concentric circles with random numbers, zodiac symbols and letters. It was a lock for the huge door. He knew he had about 30 mins to work on the door but still, he wanted to figure this out.

He turned the ring in a million directions but still no opening door. "Crap" he muttered softly as he tried to open the door.

LINE BREAK

30 mins have passed and the group came back, only to find Kirito punching the door.

"Kiri-dude, please don't smash the door open." Klein said with disappointment in his voice.

"Kirito-kun, what are you doing?" Asked Sinion.

"THE STUPID DOOR WONT OPEN!"

Shouted Krito.

"Here let me" said Lizbeth plainly.

She rotated the circles to the value of Pi and it opened smoothly.

Kirito slapped himself in the face.

And that my good friends, is why Krito hate logic puzzles even more.

 **AN: I based the lock from Percy Jackson, where Leo goes in Archmedies' workshop. Kokone next!**


	5. Why does my life have to go this way!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sword Art Online**

 **AN: I tried. Ok? I tried. I tried to make it funny. I tried to make you guys laugh. I tried to make it humorous and a** _ **lucky star**_ **version of SAO. I'm looking back at my stories and thinking,** _ **what the hell am I doing with my life?!**_ **Just, no. I give up! *Throws hands in the air* I'm just seriously not bothered to write and end the stories just like that *snaps fingers* Ok? I am a seriously happy girl with a messed up imagination. You're about to see what goes through my head. Apologies if you are highly disturbed by this, Kayoi rules at humorous writing so if you want, just skip past my work. Kayoi knows about this so yeah… she is also sometimes like "What? Kokone? Why? That's just sad!"** _ **You have been warned**_ **(ok, I must sound really serious right now but just please have a taste of my writing)**

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Chapter 5: Why does my life have to go this way?!

Kirito's POV

I climbed the bland white steps to my mini apartment. The elevator just had to break now. Sweat formed on my forehead and neck, making my hair stick irritably to my neck. I so desperately want to scratch it. I focused on actually moving my feet, just making them move on continuously like the cruel person I am. My plastic bag full of groceries threatened to slip from my sweaty hands. I could feel one of them tearing from the pressure applied to them, I mean; I seriously don't want to be cramped up with someone breathing down my neck like that. I glared at the ripping bag as yet another bag full of vegetables slammed against it.

I turned to walk past a door, climbing higher. Damn, I've only been up like what? Three stories? Reality is totally different to the virtual world. I can bloody fly in ALO! I felt my eyes light up on their own as a sudden message flashed through my brain that I might make it up to floor five alive. Curse my positive brain! Always bringing up my hopes and sending them crashing back down again.

I twisted my neck slightly, looking down on the process that I made. It must've been a horrifying sight. The look of a man panting heavily, with sagged shoulders, a whole ton of sweat on his face, and the maniacal appearance of a neck twisted the wrong way. Heh, I wouldn't be surprised if a child just glanced at me and ran away bawling his eyes. Ok, I've got one more story to go. My brain set determinedly, urging my tried arms and legs it bare it just a little longer.

A few minutes or perhaps if I'm proud enough to admit it, a few _seconds_ passed as I ran up the rest of steps, letting out a triumphant _hell yeah_! as I saw the warming cream door greet me. I glanced at the rust on the hinges. Since there's no end to my laziness, I've always used the elevator which leads to the door out the front of my rented room. This door looks as if it were about to break. I did my usual unavoidable routine of patting each pocket in both my jeans and jacket to find my keys. I reached into a pocket of my pants. "Aha! I didn't even have to check my jacket pockets too!" I yelped. Fumbling with the lock, a beautiful sound crossed my ears as the door opened, surprisingly without any extra unnecessary squeaking.

"Ryotaro?! Suguha?! Asuna?! Rika?!" I yelled out each name, emphasising my shock. Each one of them we sprawled on the couch, except for Asuna who politely sat on the floor. Ryotaro waved absent-mindedly "Yo Kiri-dude" he said, not taking his eyes of the television screen as he flicked through channels way too quickly for my liking. Asuna greeted me with a small wave, though behind her smile, she was trying to not laugh at my state of fatigue. Rika and Suguha did nothing to conceal their joy. "Ahahaha! Onii-chan! You look like some major loser!" Suguha said behind her giggles, pointing a finger at me.

"Shut up, I just went grocery shopping." I muttered, watching Ryotaro flick through channels swiftly enough to make my eyes blur. "Oh! Speaking of shopping, Kirito-kun, have you seen Keiko-chan?" Asuna asked, adding a tilt to her head. I recalled my dreadful shopping experience, being shoved by people because I was too slow, having a wild dog follow me until I reached the apartment, my dread and pain as I found out that the elevator was broken and this heavy feeling in my heart that just wouldn't shake away. Well, that was until I realised my mistake in taking the stairs.

"Err… no, I don't think so, why's that?" Asuna gazed at me with concerned eyes as Ryotaro stopped switching channels and Suguha and Rika just completely stopped their laughter. "Keiko has been missing for over an hour, that's why we came here." She stated, turning her body to face me. "She went to go buy Pina some food over three hours ago." I glanced at her, the seriousness of the situation finally kicking in. "So, do we go looking for her or call the cops?" I suggested, no-one answered. They all knew the answer.

"We go looking for her then" I stated to myself.

People ran away with paled faces. Some even stopped to warn us not to approach. Rika shoved their warnings aside and pressed on. "Why are we going this way?!" Ryotaro said, screaming past the loud chattering of people. "Keiko is one curious girl! If there are this many people gathering around, she'll push past them all to see the reason why!" Rika yelled back. Suguha pressed a cold palm to my hand as Rika continued to push through. A mob of citizens crowded around an alleyway. Around 90% gaging and pressing their clothes to their noses and mouths. As we got closer, I understood why. I penetrating smell stabbed my nostrils without warning. Still, Rika shoved through the crowd of people, all of them willingly letting her pass so that they could escape from the smell. I felt a strong grip leech onto my arm. Asuna digged her nails into my skin. I bit my lip, the pain in my arm was nothing compared to what agony the smell gave me.

Rika managed to push to the front of the viewers, giving us room as we filed in next to her. All I saw was red. A blooded red thing lay sprawled on the ground, its mangled body twisted in all directions. At first, I thought that it was an animal hunted by its predator, but upon closer inspection, small delicate fingers held on stubbornly to a petite hand, all bent in the wrong direction. Guessing by the hands, it was probably a young girl, no older than sixteen. Her head… was completely missing. Her stomach cut open as her stomach and liver organs spilled out from her insides. Her feet were twisted several times around her legs, creating an almost plait-like pattern. Each finger had their nails missing, as the pink of the skin was spared from the blood that fell from her torso. The girl died in her own blood. My usually positive mind instantly took a major jump to conclusion. _What if this is Keiko?_ It asked. I shook my head violently to clear the thought.

I need proof first. I glanced wildly around the alleyway, looking for the missing head of the body. I spotted it quite close to the body. It was rolled to the side and clean of blood, meaning that the killer cut the head first, sparing the girl from major torture. Note that I said _major_. She could have gone through other things first. Even though the darkness prevented me from seeing the eyes, the mouth of the girl opened into a silent scream, her tongue severely removed. Two small brown pigtails hung onto the head of the girl, supported with two…red ribbons… I felt the bile quickly rush to my throat and I desperately suppressed it, squeezing Suguha's hand tighter.

Ryotaro leaned in closer, making a big mistake. "Is that… Oh _god_." Hand to his mouth, he swiftly shoved away some onlookers, racing down the street. Rika turned away, latching onto Asuna's arm, dragging me and Suguha with her. A small shadow darted after Ryotaro's retreating figure. My eyes narrowed and I digged my heels into the ground, stopping Rika's steps. "I think I saw the killer…" I muttered, shaking my hands free of Asuna and Suguha. I shouldn't assume things like that, but if someone were to target Keiko, they would come for one of us too.

I raced after Ryotaro, screaming his name loudly, making other passer-byes look at me with confusion. _I have to help him, I must stop the killer!_ I rushed down the small district where very little people wandered. Again, forcing my legs to keep moving. Turning another sharp corner, I raced down another darkened alleyway.

Klein's POV

I heard footsteps tamping down the alleyway quickly. My mind went into full-fledged panic. Swiftly wiping tears from my eyes, I turned to face the person. Kirito glared at me with eyes that could top Medusa's. "Ahaha, Kiri-dude, sorry for running off like that, but err, can you not tell anybody that I was crying? It would totally ruin my-"

A warm, yet cold feeling hit my stomach. "Die Killer! Where is Ryo?!" Kirito hissed. He was suddenly up real close in my personal space. His arm extended to my stomach where I felt my pain… Looking down, I knife cut itself through my belly. Kirito held it firmly, ignoring the blood that dribbled down his hand. "Wait! Kiri-dude! What are you doing?!" I screamed, well, it wasn't really a scream, but it was all I could muster in this state. Loud sirens wailed in the distance, each resounding at a different pace. "Stop using his speech and voice you monster! Where is he?! Oh, you know what?! Screw that! Die! Die for killing Ryo and Keiko!" he seethed through clenched teeth. "Kiri-dude! Stop!" I heaved out, before the vile taste of blood filled my mouth. Opening my mouth, I let it dribble a little bit before I began to choke on it. My lungs hacked and heaved as I toppled to the ground.

"Ahah…I avenged… AHAHAHA! I killed him! AHAHAHAHA!" mangled laughter flooded the alleyway. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! DIE IN YOUR OWN BLOOD YOU MISRABLE BASTARD!" Kirito mimicked my action; falling to the ground… due to maniacal laughter. "I bet they're proud of me… But why is it that I hear Keiko's moaning from the depths of hell?" he muttered, the ear-piercing chuckles stopping. After a few more seconds, he started to roll around on the ground like a dying dog, covering his ears. Is this a prank? If it is, amazing acting, I swear the pain in my stomach feels so real. "Ahaha… yes, she's upset at me because I KILLED HER! AHAHAHA!" he glanced at me and my hope vanished faster than a dying ember. His eyes held an empty, hollow look in them. "Hehehe… I even killed Ryo."

I felt my eyes widened as he began to crawl helplessly towards me with a large toothy grin pasted on his face. "Ahaha, shut up Keiko, let me kill him first, so then the both of you can complain to me later…AHAHA!" He dragged his knife onto the ground, making a loud screeching sound. It sounded like a sharp needle shoved into my ears. "Go join Keiko."

Asuna's POV

I raced after the footsteps Kirito left behind in his hurry. I swiftly ran into another corner. "Kirito-kun!" I shrieked with glee as I saw him sitting bolt upright in the corner of the alleyway. Suguha jumped in after me, heavily breathing followed by Rika's entrance. "Damn…K-Kirito…Don't…don't go running off like that." She scolded, hands on her knees. I was too worried to rest and I immediately leaped behind Kirito, wrapping my arms around him. "Kirito-kun! You're safe!" It wasn't until I opened my eyes that I noticed a long figure lying on the ground. It's spiky brown hair tossed over its face. "Hey, Asuna?" Kirito muttered. "Will you give me your heart?" he turned around in my lap smiling at me brightly. "Eh?" I asked, doing my signature tilt of the head. "Thank you Asuna-chan, I will take it right now…"

Leafa's POV

A loud scream whipped my head up. "ASUNA!"

 **AN: Plot twist~ Kekeke, Ok, as you may or may not know, this took me two days. I was ACTUALLY bothered to write this time and I apologise for being kinda hot-headed on my first 'AN' After I wrote about half-way, I listened to Vocaloid, ate noodles and cookies and watched my fave anime, I've cooled down. BUT THEN SOMEONE HAD TO GO AND RUIN MY MOOD! ARGH! I HATE BEING DISTURBED WHEN WRITING; IT PISSES ME OFF TO NO END! Oh well, I think I'll try to NOT kill anyone in my next chapter.**

 **-Kokone**


	6. Chapter 6: sleepovers and pizzas

Chapter 6

 **Disclaimer: I don't own SAO. And i never will...**

 **AN: Regards to Nathaniabp and Gabrielmizore311 for enjoying our stories. Anyway, I do apologise for Kokone's sadist behaviour. *glares at Kokone*.** **Well, ON WITH MEH STORY.**

Asuna had organised an sleepover.

For the girls at least.

The boys were kicked out and are now hanging out Kirito's place.

"Asuna-san! I'm hungry!" Complained Shinon.

"Alright Shinon-chan, I'll make something." Replied Asuna.

Asuna went into the kitchen and made her famous sandwiches.

When she returned with the plate, Keiko was poking her cat Pina, Shinon was talking to Sugha and Shinozaki was playing with a nut.

" Hey guys, my sandwiches are ready!" She yelled.

Ten minutes later, she was mobbed of most of her sandwiches.

Keiko was nibbling on her sandwich when she had an idea.

"Hey! Why don't we watch a movie?" She suggested.

"Yeah, but what movie Keiko-san?" Asked Shinozaki.

"Um..."

"What about Finding Nemo?" Suggested Sugha.

"Okay!" Replied everyone else.

LINE BREAK

At Kirigaya's house, it was a _very_ different story.

Tsuboi had tripped over and was unconscious on the floor. Agil was asleep on the couch. And Kirigaya was asleep on the floor. Because they had eaten too much pizza.

That is why boys can't be trusted to be home alone.

 **AN:Thats another chapter done! Well, I'm not sure this is sexist or not. I know this is a short chapter, UNLIKE KOKONE'S LONG AND SAD ONE! Anyway, I don't think she will kill anybody. To my knowledge anyway. This is why we are such good friends. Well I think anyway. Kayoi out!**


	7. Chapter 7: That's mine

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sword Art Online**

 **AN: I got lazy..sorry. I am really engrossed in this RPG so yeah… got really lazy.**

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Chapter 7: That's mine

Kirito's POV

I still don't get why they're still trying. Humans are so stubborn. But then again, I'm human… Oh well, I guess I can be stubborn in my own way as well. If they just give up obediently it would help my job a lot. I always end up killing one or two. I'm not some kind of sadist! I feel really guilty after killing one of my own kind, seriously! Plus when they scream… ergh, it just sends unpleasant shivers down my spine.

I really want my sword right now. I'm always reaching behind my back for it, and end up clawing at the air. Ok, I gotta remember that the knife is at my left _heel_. I have a small black pistol armed at my right hip and an extra spare throwing knife inside my brown boot. All these unnecessary weapons are just extra weight that slows me down a tad. All I need is a grapple hook, which is right next to my gun, a glass cutter and a smoke bomb. Actually, _many_ smoke bombs; never gonna know when lasers are just gonna pop outta nowhere! Ok, I'm starting to sound like Klein now.

I carefully edged around a large brick building which is supposedly a theatre. As I begin to melt into the silence, my phone decides to pop up and say hi, by screaming.

 _You have to set the world straight! But you'll fail if you wait or-_

"Hesitate." I finish. "Hello? Kazuto Kirigaya speaking." I say putting on a smiley voice that says _call me one more time and I'll kill you_. "Kirito! Are you done yet?! Jesus you take . !" I immediately regret putting my ear close up to my phone even though the speaker is off. "No." there was silence on the other end of the line. "Hurry up! Are you saying that you can't steal it?!" the voice shrieked again, her pitch growing louder by the minute. Geez, I liked it better when she was quiet and innocent. "There's nothing in this world that can't be stolen." I reply back, a large smirk flowering on my face. "Good, NOW CHOP CHOP!"

' _Chop chop?'_ who still uses that these days? Aside from kids of course but still, what teenage girl does that? I sighed and hung up. I swiftly sunk back into the shadows and stepped cautiously around the building, feet first; if they see my face, it's game over, after all, millions are after me. I could hear the slight tamping of guards patrolling the area, quite medieval if you ask me. Oh well, I'll just jump through the ceiling. I know what you're thinking; _why not do that in the first place?_ 'Coz I'm lazy, my dearest idiot. I steadily trailed my long -and rather bony- fingers across the mould caked walls. Eww, clean this place will ya you good-for-nothing janitors. Ok, let's climb this… very badly made wall. I slotted my foot through an open crack in the brick. I placed my next foot on top of a jutting out layered piece of concrete.

The rest of the wall seemed to be smoothed over, great, so this… builder or more just didn't bother with the bottom, well, I _am_ in a dark alleyway where no-one ever does look so yeah, I guess they can get lazy here. I pulled out a sort of gun and checked it over. Ah, I grabbed the wrong thing. I put my pistol back in its original spot and reached a little further behind me, where my grapple was _probably_ hiding. I hastily took hold of my grapple and aimed it at the building; I have to get this right; I've already wasted enough time grabbing the wrong gun and talking to _you_ dearest reader, so shut up please?

There was a loud clanging of metal which of course signalled that I hit something. I tugged gently at the rope then jumped back, swinging on the grapple by pushing off the building. Ok, it seems capable enough to hold my weight. Carefully but hurrying at the same time, I heaved up my body silently, scurrying fast enough to beat a spider.

/(#'A')/

I held the dress delicately by the hook it stood on. It was that dress that the actress was wearing in last night's play. I've seen it myself with Asuna, brought tears to our eyes. My head whipped around as a guard let out a moan of pain. "Hang in there buddy, be grateful I didn't kill you at least!" I said cheerfully to him, flashing him my winner smile. I carefully stepped over another unconscious guard, muttering a sorry. It felt more like a hop… ah, I don't even know anymore. I flipped open my phone and typed a number down, my phone shaking because of the force I used to punch down the numbers. I walked out with my phone against my ear. "Hey, Asuna…" There was a gasp on the other end. "Kirito! You have it right?!" I nodded even though she couldn't see it. "Yay! Thanks Kirito-kun!" A small laugh was heard on the other end. "Ahaha, I can finally build my own country with this." I sighed and replied. "You said that alout loud."

"I know, I was meant to."

"Oh really?"

"Yesh."

"Hey…" I muttered, I rubbed the back of my neck and covered my eyes. "Yeah?" the voice came back. "Will that heart of yours, ever become mine?" silence filled the atmosphere. "Haha, funny joke."

"…*sigh* what do you want next?"

 **AN: Got scolded by Kayoi for being too lazy… welp, I got determined to make it up to you guys by writing extra but I'm just not bothered, I'm busy with meh RPG. Yeah, I'll make my next story longer, no promises though.**


	8. Chapter 8: Dear Kokone and Kayoi

Sao fanfuc chap 8

 **Disclaimer: I shall never ever own sword art online.**

 **AN: What ever** Kokone **said, don't belive it. I did not scold her. The person scolded her was a unicorn possesing my body. Anyway, this chapter is going to be like those "Dear Fanfiction" ENJOY!**

Dear Kokone and Kayoi

Krito- hello you two. I would like to complain about- OWWWWWW! Asuna-chan, don't hit me.

Asuna- Krito-Kun, don't be rude.

Sinion-Ohhhhhhh, Krito-kun just got owned by a girl!

Kirito- Shut up Sinion-san. -_-

Silica- Hey Kokone-san! Why am i dead in Chapter 5?

Kirito- and why do i kill people in that chapter?

Lizbeth- i like the chapter with the Yandere. Now I can see that happening.

Silica- I like your chapter on Sinion-san and me Kayoi-san!

Kirito- But still...

Asuna- don't dwell on it Kirito-Kun.

Klien- Why the stories don't have me with all the chicks lovin me?

Leafa-Because you are a Baka.

Klien- Awwwwwwwwww

From- Kirito, Ausna, Lizbeth, Leafa, Klien, Silica, Sinion.

 **AN: I always write these stories on my phone. Just don't ask doh. Next chapter is Kokone!**


	9. Chapter 9: True love I guess not

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sword Art Online**

 **AN: To answer Silica's question in Chapter 8, I killed you because usually the 'cute, sweet and innocent people' die right?** _ **Kokone you're a lazy girl.**_ **Umhmm.** _ **Kokone, you're stupid.**_ **Umhmm.** _ **Kokone, upload faster.**_ **Umhmm.**

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Chapter 9:

Silica's POV

"Ne, ne, Asuna-chan! You and Kirito-kun love each other right? What does that feel like?" I slumped down on her arm, stretching out my legs. "Err, love? I guess that means… wait! Why are you asking me this?!" I stiffened at her response. "I just want to know… I guess… Ahh! Asuna-chan! Don't worry! I have no boyfriend!" I yelped, jerking from my relaxed position on her arm to wave my arms wildly in front of me. Asuna didn't look convinced but smiled anyways. "Well, I guess love is this, warm, warm feeling that makes you all happy inside." I reconsidered her statement for a second. "So, like butterflies?" I said, putting a finger to my lip. "No, it's even better than that."

"Even better, huh?" I jumped off the sofa, making Asuna gasp for a moment. I landed a few millimetres from the coffee table and wobbled slightly. "Thank you Asuna!" I ran out of the door, pulling it away from my body so that I wouldn't run into it. It already happened twice today. Cupcakes, ice-cream, cake, muffins, cookies, yay! "Rika! I am ready to cook!" I yelled down the corridor, turning the corner swiftly. Oh wait, the door is closed. "Owww! Rika why?!" I screeched, tenderly rubbing my nose. I swear it felt off. I think I might've broken it or something…

"Who the hell thinks that they can disturb me while I'M FRYING STUFF!" A voice erupted from the door, despite the voice sounding very angry and irritated; I could only hear it faintly, thank the thick walls of this mansion. "What do you want you bastard?!" The door flew open, whacking painfully into my knee whilst I was still vulnerable on the floor. I attempted to be a toughie and suck the pain in, but my lips slipped and I let out a loud yelp. It took a while for Rika to register what happened. "Oh my god Keiko, I am so sorry!" She quickly pulled me up by the arm without warning. Since I wasn't ready to stand, my knee buckled and I ended up crashing to the floor again. "S-sorry… I'll help you up properly…" securing a hand under my elbow and placing another on my palm, Rika heaved me up slowly and wrapped my arm over her shoulder.

There was a loud wail as the smoke alarm went off. "Ah! My fries!" completely forgetting about me, Rika ran towards the stove yelling and going off about how much she worked on it. My legs wobbled again and my heel gave way. "Gotcha!" An arm wrapped around my back, the other pulling my hand around their neck. "You okay Keiko?" I turned towards my saviour, Suguha grinned at me brightly. _I need sun glasses._ She looked like she accomplished something great. "Y-yeah, I-I'm fine I guess…"

"Great!" –she directed her voice towards Rika this time- "Take care of Keiko more carefully next time!" I wasn't sure if I heard anything but I think she said "Sure, sure!" "Let's start cooking!... If you're up for it?" Suguha said, giving me a worried glance. "I'm fine, just a tiny bruise." I replied, swatting my hand in the air as if waving away my pain. "'Kay! Let's embark on this journey!" She exclaimed gleefully, pointing towards the kitchen bench. _Oh be careful Suguha, 'cuz I might die on this oh-so-long journey._

Did I ever mention that Suguha and Rika rock at cooking? Both of them worked perfectly in sync, passing the eggs, flour, and bowls at the exact time any of them need it. _Almost like telepathy._ They also stirred at a pace that could top an electric beater any day. The only thing that Rika wasn't allowed to touch was the oven and stove; Suguha handled all of that. _Kirito-kun is lucky, getting to see her in action like this nearly every day._ I noticed that Suguha barely used any oil for the fries. "Ne, ne Suguha, why don't you use much oil?" I tasted something that I cooked myself without much oil, just to stay healthy and it tasted horrid. Suguha looked up in confusion. "Isn't oil…Unhealthy? Don't tell me that you want a lot of oil in this?" She questioned, getting ready to pour an entire tablespoon. "No, no! Don't things without much oil…taste…bad?" I muttered, pointing at the frying pan, watching as the outline of the fries pop and frizzle. "Oh! Don't worry about that! It's actually the way and style you use to cook it!" she said, grinning. "Wow! Suguha! Maybe if you add love into this, it will make it taste 10 times better!"

"Love eh?" She stared at the pan for a while, moving the chips with a giant chop stick almost robotically. Slowly, a small pink blush crept onto her ears. Rika noticed this and nudged Suguha with a mischievous grin on her face. 'Ne, I bet that Suguha-chan here is thinking about Kirito-kun!" Suguha glanced up, looking deeply flustered. "No, no! Not at all!"

"Who is it then?"

"No-one!"

"Ahem!" we all looked up at the new voice. Asuna stood at the doorway and played with her hair. She shot Suguha a glare which was ignored by said girl. The rage instantly disappeared as her eyes landed on me. A toothy smile blossomed on her face as she saw our cooking. "It smells so good! Can I help out?" _That glare must've been my imagination._ "Sure Asuna- _san_ " Rika said cheerfully. She seemed to be stirring some kind of cream mix. Asuna grinned back and walked to my side. "Is there anything I can do?" She asked from across the table, since I was on the other side. "Stir this for me!" Rika stated and shoved the mix into Asuna's hands whilst she went to grab something from the fridge. Asuna stirred just as swiftly and skillfully as the other two. _If they were all to enter a mixing contest, the event would last for hours._

Asuna walked over to the other side and grabbed something out of a drawer. She looked down and muttered something inaudible. Next to her Suguha flinched but refused to show any other signs of emotion. "Hey Suguha, have you tested this knife yet? I want to be able to cut through vegetables quickly." Asuna declared, waving it in the air like how she uses her blade in _Alo_. "No" Suguha replied swiftly, picking out the fries and placing them on a plate.

"Then can I try test it?"

"Sure."

"Thanks!"

" _Stab"_ Asuna made the sound effect of a stab and drove the knife through Suguha's arm. There was a long silence before Rika broke it with a scream. Suguha began to panic, twisting away from Asuna. "Thanks Suguha! It works! Well…I think it does… Lemme try again!" Before Suguha could run, Asuna grabbed a hold of the younger girl's arm. " _Stab."_ Asuna pushed the knife through her head. "WHAT THE HELL?!" Rika screamed, knocking over plates and pots in her terror. She jumped over the table ninja style and locked her arm through mine. "Run Keiko!" she yelped. Knowing that I was a much slower runner than her, she gave me a hard push towards the door before turning around to throw a pot at Asuna's face. "Asuna! Why are you doing this?!" She screeched.

"'Cuz Kirito-kun's mine."

Rika began to scream, having nothing to throw. "Kirito was always yours!" Asuna scowled. "Liar!" Since I was running throughout their fight, I already reached the door. "Rika! Hurry up and-" Said girl fell to her knees, dropping helplessly to the side. Asuna stood in front of her. "Haha, I told you to shut-up."

-Time skip-

"You seem to have a case of Schizophrenia." The doctor said in a drab tone, as if he has seen worse and that I was nothing compared to his troubles right now. "Schizophrenia is when one's mind does not see reality but things that come to one's head, such as hallucinations." He explained, seeing my confused face. "For now, You will be placed under an insane asylum until further notice. Be fortunate that the Kirigaya family did not press charges."

 _Tch, whatever, as if I could care less._

 **AN: If you still don't get it, basically all that murdering that Asuna did was all Silica's imagination, or** _ **Schizophrenia.**_ **Go Google it.** __ **I gave hints that something was off.**

 **1\. The personalities of the characters are slightly different.**

 **2\. Her reaction when Asuna starts killing is… calm.**

 **3\. The thoughts that pop into Silica's head are way beyond what she is meant to be thinking.**

 **Heh, and here you thought I was being a lousy writer.**


	10. Chapter 10-When shopping a boss raid?

Chapter 9

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Sword Art Online!**

 **AN:So in the last chapter, you actually learnt something, now you don't see that happening often. Now I can't actually see that happening with me. I'll try make this a long chapter. Note the word try.**

This is why Sinion never went shopping with Lizbeth in ALO.

It was Silica's birthday next week and Sinion and Lizbeth were walking around Yggdrasil City market trying to find a shop that would meet their needs.

The problem was that Lizbeth insisted on going to every single stall.

Like EVERY SINGLE ONE!

"C'mon Lizbeth-san, we need to get Sclica-san a present!" Sighed Sinion after dragging Lizbeth out of the 109th store in Yaggdrasil markets.

"But Sinion-san, I want to see if they sell health potions!"

"C'mon Lizbeth-san, just find a stupid store so we can get Silica-san a pressie!"

"I have a better idea Sinion-san, why don't we do a boss raid?"

Sinion stared at Lizbeth in shock."You're kidding me right?"

LINE BREAK

Waiting at floor 32's boss door, Sinion was egging at Lizbeth.

"Are you sure Lizbeth-san?"

"Of course Sinion-san. Im 100% sure we will live through this!"

"Well, here goes nothing"

The pushed open the door and...

"Ehhh?" Both leprechaun and Cat-Sith said.

For now they were in a valley, dotted with wildflowers. And the boss sat in the middle of the valley and it was a ...

"I...i...i...its a giant sheep." Stuttered Lizbeth.

Sinion nocked and arrow and let it fly towards the sheep's face.

Lizbeth called a lightning based skill and smashed its face.

And like that, it died.

"Okay... That was weird." Said Lizbeth.

"No joke Lizbeth-san."

Then they inspected the drops. And they found something.

"God of sheep skin boots? Didn't Silica say she wanted some?" Asked Lizbeth.

No reply.

Instead, there was a glowering Sinion with a hand balled into a fist.

"You Baka... WHY THE HELL I AGREED TO GO SHOP WITH YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!"

 **AN:Right, long-ish chapter. Maybe. I dunno. Anyway, I took my time to write this cause I can be bothered! It's not easy writing a fanfiction while juggling illness, toutoring and school.**

 **BYE BYE!**


	11. 11: The riddler who can't ask riddles

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sword Art Online or Vocaloid**

 **AN: If anyone gets this reference, I will cry.**

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Chapter 11: The riddler who can't ask riddles

Klein's POV

I looked down at my feet as they paced around the stuffed room. I could feel another droplet of sweat roll of my forehead. I'm seriously picturing myself like that guy in the book ' _Why does my life have to go this way?!'_ Heh, it was a good story, quite short but not so bad. The title was weird, rather like it was answering its own question. Anyhow, yes, I am wondering how I ended up in this situation.

I took in a sharp intake of breath. I plastered up a serious face to mask how nervous I actually was. "Ok, the first question is, how did that man die?" I glanced up from the floor, expecting an answer from the audience. A maid stood in the centre of the room with a blank expression as a brief fleeting emotion of boredom crossed her face. My eyebrow twitched at how cleverly she disguised it. "He had poison wine alone in his office, yet, why was he alone?" I continued, seeing as the maid wasn't going to answer. She looked tiredly to the ground and muttered something softly, probably a prayer to leave here sooner. As she did so, her short choppy brown hair fell across her face and she swiftly swooped it out of her eyes. If I weren't observing her so closely, I wouldn't have noticed her hand moving; she brushed away her hair really quickly.

"You see, at that time, he was destined to _die_." I frowned at my own statement, even a twelve year old can figure that out. I turned around and walked over to the desk that stood behind me. A small, black figure lay on the top, the poisoned wine tipped over the table, wetting the papers, perhaps important documents of his? The papers were already crippled up and dry, indicating that the murder happened a while ago. I poked at the victim's head, as I did, his head rolled over, not showing his face clearly but there was enough showing to see that he coughed up blood before his death; red liquid coated his right arm and blood dribbled down his mouth. "Ah, poor guy, must've been belladonna poisoning." I remarked. "Let's see…Kirito was his name right? I'll prepare a burial for him later."

I looked over at the maid again, her eyes still held that sense of boredom and laziness. Tch, lousy maid probably doesn't even work properly. "Do you have anything to say?" I asked slowly, as if her language wasn't English. She remained silent and stationary. At first, I thought that she replaced herself with a replica mannequin of herself. Then slowly, she shook her head gently, as if anymore movement of her head will cause her neck to snap. "Great, well let me ask you this, why did the other guest fall into the river? Was the culprit really among them I wonder?"

The maid opened her mouth but closed it again. I released the breath that I was holding as she did so. I am _not_ like one of those characters who don't remember that they've been holding their breaths, I find that really stupid and unworthy of the title as a ' _living, breathing human.'_ I sighed and began to pace again. I hate showing my anxiety to anyone but oh well, I'll never end up solving this mystery anyways so why not? I turned towards the maid and a large grin spread on my face, well, maybe I'm _not_ that lost after all. "Do you know what happened?"

A shake of the head.

"Are you sure? Because you saw it, all of it, right in front of your eyes."

The maid remained calm and bored, staring at me with empty eyes. _She looks like a dead gold fish._ She was probably trying to hide her guilt. Great poker face there, I must say, she perhaps trained her life into this? Ahaha, now that's just stupid but seriously though, why won't she answer? I just need to get a few words out of her, "I did not." and this mystery will be solv- "WHAT?!" I jerked out of monologue and stopped my jaw from crashing to the floor. "I said that 'I did not'… Will that be all mister? I want to go to bed now; my shift is long from over-" I stared at her with eyes that could mock frying pans. I pointed a quivering finger at her. "You can talk?!" The maid nodded slowly, as if tending to a child. "Of course I can."

Her voice sounded like running honey. It was all smooth and silky. If she quit this job, she could be a millionaire singer. Her voice hid no disgust or frustration in them, just complete sympathy and… I shouldn't be saying that, it was just a bored monotone. My brain is trying to make light of this situation. I let out a loud sigh much to my impatience and stole a brief glance at the old grandfather clock that stopped ringing years ago; it still works nether-less. _1:46_ I see, I am holding her behind. I started this work at eleven o'clock precisely. "Ah, I see, it is shaming me how much I am holding you behind but."- I looked away from the clock and stared straight into her eyes- "I _am_ finishing this mystery _today_ and none of your complaints will stop that."

The maid stood silent for a second, then nodded politely, indicating that I could speak. I walked over to the desk Kirito lay on and spread out pictures that clustered together. I placed them there early so I could see what the victims' faces looked like. I dipped my hand deep through Kirito's blood and slapped my hand down on his photo; _he's dead now._ I looked around at the other photos that lined the table messily. Myself and the maid were included. There was a male with hair that was awfully similar to Kirito's and he stared through the picture with eyes of an assassin. One look at him chills you to the bone. Another photo was of a man with gentle cheekbones and a high nose. His eyes weren't as visible as the other man's since he wasn't looking directly at the camera but in his mouth was a cigar. On the picture next to that was a woman with dark locks of frizzy hair. It curled around her face and tickled at her chin. On her neck was a simple black chocker.

There was another shot of a man with blonde hair the same wavelength of mine. He didn't really strike me as an interesting guy, his looks weren't above or below average and he wore a cheap tuxedo. The guy on his right was almost similar looking, except for the fringe that he had.

I briefly scanned the maid's profile. She was dressed the same and wore the same dead eyes. I dipped my hand once more into the blood of the dead man. No, it was _not_ disgusting. I splattered the crimson liquid on each photo, sparing mine and the maid's. I slowly watched at the blood seeped into the photos', ruining the pictures. "When they fell into the river, was the culprit really among them?" I smirked at the maid, watching her twitch and fiddle with her thumbs. _I have her backed up against a corner._ The maid took at wary glance at the photos covered in blood and halted all movement. She looked back at me with her _dead-fish-eyes_. My smirk grew as I began to grow smug of myself. Then the smile came crashing back down as suddenly as it came.

One fatal mistake I miscalculated… _Was the other detective dragged into this!_

Lisbeth's POV

I'll end this. I'll end this all now. _Stupid detective, stupid job, stupid brain. Argh!_ I swiftly dragged a kitchen knife from my pocket and rushed towards the detective while he had his back turned to me. "Die now!"

Klein's POV

I blinked slowly and sighed, turning from the picture to face the maid. There was a flash of movement and the loud clanging of metal. I looked over at the bread and butter knife that lay cast across the ground. I turned back to the maid. "So, who's the culprit?" Her grip on the knife was weak, so I had no trouble knocking it out of her hands, it was probably her last resort, her last chance of killing me. She began to tremble, now defenceless. "So, who's the culprit?" I repeated impatiently. Since she attacked me, she grabbed my jacket that hung from my shoulder and pulled on it, thinking that it would drag me to her, making me easy prey. _Oh, how wrong she was._ She smothered her face against my jacket, wiping away tears of fear.

I could feel a smirk grow on my lips. Ahh, how it satisfied me, seeing someone so arrogant shake in fear before me! "So, who is the culprit? Come on say it! SAY MY NAME!" I screamed. The maid, or should I say, _detective_ , eyed me with a wry expression. "Say may name! AHAHA... Ergh-…?!" The other detective jumped back in shock as blood began to spill from my mouth. _What?!_ I glanced behind me. The man that was meant to be dead stood behind me with the detective's knife on my back. "K-Kirito?! YOU'RE MEANT TO BE DEAD!" The man 'tch'ed and smiled. "I couldn't die of mere poisoning… It is wayyy to soon~" With his words slurred, he pushed the knife further into my body, dragging it upwards and completely ripping it out of my shoulder. _Never knew you could accomplish that with a bread and butter knife._

 **AN: Plot twist~ I made sure that it wouldn't be spoiled for anyone. Here's my treat for you guys. I'm really busy during the holidays with stuff so my uploads are gonna take longer…Not sure bout Kayoi though..**

 **-Kokone**


	12. Chapter 12- What if?

Chapter 12- What if?

 **Disclaimer:Don't think I own Sword Art Online.**

 **AN: Hello everyone! So I'm kind of busy with life and if my mother could leave my hair alone, i might actually feel better. -_- Any way, I had a giant WHAT IF. Like if Kirito was stuck in a giant bird cage instead of Asuna. I can't think straight. I've been playing with a Pokemon fusion site and Im addicted.**

Asuna sat on the side of Kirito's hospital bed, staring at the dark haired boy with the nerve gear, asleep.

"Kirito-kun, please wake up. Your cousin is worried and I am too" she whispered softly to him.

Suddenly Kirigaya's aunty and a girl with raven hair walked in.

"Oh hello Asuna! I see you are seeing Kazuto." Said his Aunty.

"But who is..." Asuna began to ask.

"Oh this is Suzan Nobyouki. She is the sister of Sugo." She introduced.

"Hello!" Suzan said "um miss Kirigya, I think now might be a good time."

"Oh, of course. I'll come back later."

When Kirito's Aunty left, Suzan smiled and licked her lips " Me and Maria were talking about me and Kazuto's wedding. He hasn't proposed but its on my favour really" she said slowly while bending down and touching his face.

Asuna's eyes widened with shock.

"You do look suprised" she went on "I'm planing to marry him in two weeks time. Now doesn't that sound fitting. Alas, you two were married in game right? That makes it complicated. I might not send you a invite. But then again, your face will be priceless."

She stood up and walked to the door."Alas Yuki Asuna, I bid farewell."

LINE BREAK.

Asuna was sitting at her computer table, crying into her arms while staring at the amusphere her brother got her.

Then she got a message on her phone from Rika.

 _Hey Asuna!_

 _Look at this! Looks like a certain someone eh? Anyway, if you have got any questions, come to my place!_

 _Lizbeth_

Asuna looked at the photo. It showed a raven haired boy behind golden bars. Asuna widned her eyes.

She grabbed her coat and ran towards Rika's home.

 **AN: And thats a wrap! And a bad one at that. Bye!**


	13. Chapter 13: Doctor Who?

**Disclaimer:You know the drill, just u also don't own Doctor Who.**

 **AN: Im writing this for Kokone because she is a lazy person. And we are nearing the end... BEWARE THE SPOILERS FOR THE EPISODES 18 to 24**

Before Yuki met the sleeping knights, she met the doctor.

She was hanging around a tree on and island in ALO, training when a sound could be heard.

 _Vorp vorp vorp_

She turned around and saw a blue box with the words POLICE CALL BOX. The door opened and out came a man.

He was wearing a brown pinstriped suit underneath a brown trench coat with red converses.

"Who are you?" Asked Yuki

"Oh hello! I'm the Doctor!" Said the man.

"Doctor who?"

"Just the Doctor. And who are you?"

"Yuki."

"Ok, well where and when am i?"

"Um you are in the game of ALO in the nuteral borders between the spriggan and the undine. The year is 2024."

"Ok, so not so far from Rose Tyler ...oh"

The doctor looked at the ground.

"Doctor whats the matter?" Asked Yuki.

"I lost Rose Tyler. She stopped travelling with me. So now, once again, I am companionless. Soo-" he noticed Yuki's pointed ears. "What species are you Yuki?"

"Well in the real world, I'm a human, but in here, I'm a Imp."

"Wait, real world?"

"This is a game doctor known as Alfheim online or ALO for short."

He looked at the Blue Box, "How did my ship go into a game?"

"Ship?"

"Ah, this is the T.A.R.D.I.S which stands for Time and Relative Dimension in Space. But thats not important. Well i guess it is important but not now. But seriously, an Imp?"

"They are one of the nine races of fairies in the game. There are also Gnomes, Spriggan, Undine, Pooka, Leprechaun, Salamander, Cat Sith and Sylph."

"Okay then, wanna come inside the T.A.R.D.I.S?"

Yuki gave a nod before walking in.

When she stepped in, she was shocked. "Its bigger on the inside!"

"Well yes." He said casually like if he said that he just saw a Nav Pixie.

She walked around the place, looking at the different things inside. Then she activated her wings and took flight.

"HOW ARE YOU DOING THAT?" Shouted the Doctor.

 _"_ Doctor, I'm a fairy. Shouldn't I be able to fly?" Said Yuki.

"Hey, come down here, I want to scan them"

Yuki flew down and with out deactivating them she stood very still.

The doctor took out a silver cylindrical rod with a blue crystal on one end. He waved it all over her wings and said "Well your wings are made of an energy compound that has a structure of insect wings."

"Riiiiight" said Yuki.

LINE BREAK

After a bit of exploration of the T.A.R.D.I.S, Yuki was bored.

"Hey Yuki, let me show you something." Called the Doctor.

She looked up and flew to the console platform and saw the ship shaking.

"Doctor? Why is it shaking?!" She asked.

"Well, we are going through a big ball of wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff." He said.

"Um ok"

"And allons-y! Were here!"

"Where?"

The present, real world hospital that you're body is located"

"What?"

The Doctor opened the T.A.R.D.I.S' door and she saw herself in the medi-cube, her body frail with pale skin.

"Is that..."she began.

"Yes Yuki, that is your body in the medi-cube. Because of your condition, that is what happened to your body."

Yuki wanted to go back to ALO. She did not want to see this.

"Let me travel with you. Please?" She asked.

"Sure!"

So off they went, to travel through time and space.

LINE-BREAK •

Yuki was in her ALO form when she traveled with the doctor, which made it easier since her wounds healed faster.

She met many different things like Daleks, Cybermen and one time, a Weeping angel which she stared for a full hour before flying backwards into the T.A.R.D.I.S.

But she remembered the time she unlocked an original sword skill or OSS for short.

A Dalek had followed them into a corner and the doctor was trying to make it go away( and failing)

"I am the Doctor and you will leave this planet unharmed" he said.

"EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE THE DOCTOR AND HIS COMPANION!" It shouted.

Thats when it happened.

She got mad at the robot, she drew her sword and preformed an 11 hit combo move. When she was done, she found that she had unlocked Mother rosario.

She asked the Doctor to let her go back to the game to stay.

He agreed.

LINE BREAK

Yuki was dying in the arms of Asuna. She was dying, the doctor lives on but she will disappear into nothingness.

She remembered the doctor. And she smiled for the final time.

 **AN: And that is it for the chapter. Next chapter is something. I think. Kokone dis not write this i did!**

 **Kayoi Out!**


	14. Chapter 14:dear Kayoi and Kokone-letter2

CHAPTER 14-Dear Kayoi & Kokone letter 2

 **Disclaimer:Well, what do you think?**

 **AN:Ok guys, Kayoi is back (again) cuz Kokone is lazy. I'll also state that this is the last chapter of our Fanfiction. We are starting a new one which is a crossover of fairy tales and um... plus, Kokone ain't that interested anymore**

Dear Kayoi & Kokone

Kirito: WHY DO I F-

Ausna: Kirito, Language!

Kirito:But Asuna...

Sclica: I'm not Schinzopheric Kokone!

Asuna: Oh my, Yuki met the Doctor? That's how she unlocked the OSS?

Kirito: But, I killed someone... I'M NOT LIKE THAT!STOP MAKING ME KILL PEOPLE!

Klien:Kiri-dude, you killed me!

Yuki:The doctor, yes, I remember him.

Asuna: Yuki ... How?

Yuki: The underworld has pretty good wifi.

Sclica: ummm, okay?

Leafa: Oni-Chan, You are a Baka.

Kirito: But, But Leafa!

Lizbeth: Here we go again!

Klien:LIZBETH! WHEN DID YOU GET HERE?

Lizbeth:I was here the entire time baka!

Klien:ohhhh :)

Sclica: Very Creative.

Krito: Can't anybody see the point!

I DON'T KILL PEOPLE!

Asuna:Well thats a wrap, bye! *hits Kirito on the head*

Sinion:This letter is not going public right?"

From the SAO and ALO gang!

 **AN: The last chapter in our first fanfic! Stay tuned for our next one!**

 **Kayoi out!**


	15. Chapter 15: very last chapter guys

PLOT TWIST IT IS NOT OUR LAST CHAPPIE

 **An: I AM BAK PPL! DID YA MISS ME? *silence***

 ***sits and cries in corner***

 **Kayoi: erm… it's ok.. I think they are just… um… Tired! YEAH! THAT'S IT! THEY'RE JUST TIRED!**

 **Me: *hic* o…ok *hic* I-I am…*hic* very…sorry *hic* LETS GO WILD ON THIS VERY LONG, LAST AND FINAL CHAPPIE! Btw imma write this chapter without pressing backspace even once!**

 **Kayoi: *whispering* that was fast…**

Our very last chapter:

"Kirito! I AM GOING ON AN ADVENTURE! I AM GOING TO SAIL ALL SEVEN SEAS, TRAVEL TO JAPAN, AMERICAAND ANTARTICA! I WILLVISIT NARUTO, SOUL EATER, ONE PIECE, FAIRY TAIL, TOKYO GHOUL, AKAME GA KILL, OWARI NO SERAPH, BLUE EXCORIST, JUST NAMIN A DEW! I MEAN FEW! FEW! I WILOL, I MEAN UM.. WILL MAKE SURE THAT KOKONE WITH SPELL PROBERLY! I MEAN CAN! REPLACE THAT WITH WITH CAN. I WILL…..*yadda, yadda*"

Kirito: *yawn* yup..yup..i hear ya klein (Has earphones on)

He grabs a pen … "ok, I am ready to write"

 _Dear fanfiction (especially kokone and kayoi)_

 _PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE STOP MAKING ME DO SUCH THINGS! SOME OF YOU GUYS DON'T EVEN GET MY PERSONALITY RIGHT! IM NOST (MOST) STORIES I SOUND LIKE A DOWNRIGHT BASTRAD I MEAN BASTARD AND IN KOKONE'S STORIES.. IM A FREAKING MURDER! In kayoi's ones… IM A BLOODY IDIOT! *the rest of the page has illegible rambles.*_

" _LKITIYO AHEM- KIRITO! WE ARE GONNA BEGIN SHOOTING BE DOWN IN TEN!_

' _TEN?!"_ (nah..i don't feel like maiing him panicsmdhfefgk.)

DEHFSGIUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WUT TO WRITE HERE SO HI! AHEM! KIRITO! *Kirito looks up from his writing* "#BREAKINGTHEFOURTHWALLLIKEABOSS"

"erm…ok'

"OK!...SAY SOMETHING!"

"err…h-hi?!"

"TALK MORE OR I'LL RIP UR THROAT OUT!"

"RIP MY THROAT OUT…. ITS YOU ISN'T IT KOKONE! I KNEW IT! GET OUT OF THAT ROOM RIGHT NOW AND HAVE A FACE TO FACE BATTLE WITH ME!"

"HELL NO! ITS COLD AS CRAP RITE NOW!" AHEM THAT'S TOTALLY NOT A LIE.

AHHH THE CRINGES IN THIS CRINGE WORTHY WORLD (OMG MY SPELLING AND STUFF)

S'so (crap) "so much caps…argh… my caps broke.."

"DAT IS A MAJOR LIE RIGHT DER CUZ I';M SCREAMING RIGHT NOW"

"Shuddap kiri!"

"No- I WILL NOT SHUT UP!"

"OMG IT'S KOKONE!"

We both( *cough cough* we ALL turn to the new voice. "plz don't kill me.." Klein whimpers. "TOO BAD CUZ I AM!"

"NUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" (cue da slow motion)

"ahAHAHAHAHAHA!" *THROWS THUNDERBOLD (THUNDERBOLT) EXCUSE ME.. AT KLEIN*

"Kirito…I just want to say one thing.. I LUV U BRUH!"

Kirito: WTF! KOKONE! WHAT SICK TWISTED WORLD ARE YOU TURNING THIS INTO!

Klein: *Pulls Kirito's neck* (whisapers) I LOVE YOU BRO!

Kirito: WAHHHHHTTTTHRUgkzsfUIWGAQHUSFGWS;E AREN'T YOU DEAD?!

(omg I'm dying)

"Kokone! Stop this nonsence!

(crap I spelt it wrong)

"NEVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" AHAHAHAHAHA MY WORLD! MY KEYBOARD! I CAN DO WUTEVA I WANT "OMG THIS IS SO FUN Y DIDN'T I DO THIS IN DA FIRST PLACE?!"

"Kirito! WATCH ME KILL ASUNA!"

"WAIT PLZ STOP! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

SUMMONS ASUNA*

"W-WAIT? I THOUGHT I WAS COOKING!"

"No not asuna! Anyone but her!"

OK ILL KILL EVERYONE ELSE!

"(both in unison) "NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

Kekekekek MY WORLD MY RULES! LETS MAKE ASUNA SAY STUFF… MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *CHOKES*

KILLS EVERYONE IS SAO EXCEPT DES 2! "KIRITO Y DID U SAY THAT?!"

":I'M SORRY!" *CRIES* "WAIT Y AM I CARYING?!"

"CUZ I HATE YOU!

WUT?!

DATS RITE KRITIEHR UEG I HARTE U! I WISH WE NEVA MET!

NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

U WILL PAY FOR DIS KOKONE!

"AHAHAHAHAHA U CAN'T TOUCH DIS!"

MIMIMIMIMIMIM DUN KNOW WUT TO RWRIGHT ARGH WRITE SO IM STALLING…

LALALALALALALALALALALALA

"Kokone! ILL GIVE YOU ANYTHING! ANYTHING SO PLEASE REWVERSO DAMN REVERSE TIME FOR ME!"

"FOR ME? ! HA U CAN'T DO NOTHIN CUZ I CONTROL; DIS WORLD"

"CDWOEJW (OMG WUT AM I DOING?!) *cue da entrance of the doctor coming in waves of fabulous pink light!*

"kwho are you?" Kirito states, standing ready as if he were goinbg to… (hmm…) run like the coward he is. "I am the doctor!"

"doctor who?"

"FDA NAME OF A TV SHOW NOW SCRAM! Bi (BLEGH) I HAVE NO NEED FOR U HERE! (SORRY DOCTOR WHO FANS) (CLOSE UR EYES RO…OMG.. OR JUST SKIP DIS PARAGRHAHP …U GET DA POINT RITE?!) *strikes doctor with lightinh*

"NUUUUUUUUUU MY ONLY ESCAPE!"

"It is HOPELESS KIRI! I CONTROL WUT HAPPENS IN DIS WOURLD DAT WAS JUST A STALL TO TAKE UP MORE ROOM… AHEM I SAID NOTHING!"

"ANYWAYS ! (DAMN) I AM GOING TO USE _'THE'_ MAGIC"

"WAIT! NO NOT _'THE'_ MAGICC!"

"AHAHAHA PREPARE FOR THE DEND OF THE WORLD!"

(WITH _'THE'_ MAGIC OF COURSE)

"wait… HOW DO I KNOW WHAT _'THE'_ MAGIC IS?! WHAT DA HELL IS _'THE'_ MAGIC?!"

 _Initiating in 5_

"WAIT! KOKONE! WHAT IS _'THE'_ MAGIC?!"

 _4_

"I SAID WAIT!"

 _1_

"HEY NO FAIR YOU JUMPED TO 1!"

MAGIC POOF! *clouds vomit rainbows and unicorns fart cows* ITS RAINING TACOSM, FROM OUT ON THE STREET! TACOS! *it's actually raining bananas but oh well*

CONFETII FLIES EVERYWHERE AND A BUNCH OF FISH POP OUT OF NO-WHERE!

All of fanfiction: WHAT THE HELL IS GOLING ON?! SOMONE STOP THIS MADNESS! (BACK AT THE COMPANY)

Mr 1: SIR/MADAM! WE CANNOT STOP THIS… THING FROM MUTATING AND GROWING!

MR 2: THERE ARE 'ERRORS' EVERYWHERE! IT CANNOT STOP SIR/MADAM

Sir/Madam (excuse me, for my lack of knowledge, head of FANFICTION): STOP IT! STOP THIS …THING! DO SOMETHING! FDANFICTION EVERYWHERE IS BEING DESTROYED

vOCaloid: (soz) MIKU! RIN LEN Y ARE YOU LAUGHING?! OUR SET IS RUINED!

ANIMJE: *in serious mood cuz someone died* WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF NATSU! IS THIS YOUR DOING?! OR IS IT LUFFY?! MAYBE NARUTO?! ARGH I DON'T KNOWWWWWWWWW

Books: HARRY POTTER! COME HERE THIS INSTANT!

(uim not bothered to include the rest)

POOF! BEHOLD KIRITO!

"eh? The bananas stopped… WHAT AM I DOING HERE?!"

(Kirito is in a gameshow)

"Alright first question! KIRITO! WHO DO YOU LIKE MOST?! ASUNA OR SINON!?"

(cue the dramatic music as said girls are shoved on stage)

Kirito: err… why are you asking me this?!

 _5, 4, 3!_

" _AHHHHH_ OK OKO OKODKOKO PLEASWWE STOPPPPP! ILL CHOOSE!

 _2, 1 bam!_

Both girls fall to their death in from of his eyes as the platform beneath the,m falls

"YOU BITCH! U DIDN'T EVEN GIVE ME ENOUGH TIME!"

"KEKEKE! KIRITO GUESS WUT YOU DID!"

"OMG I DID NOT JUST!-"

"YES…YOU SWORE! YOU BROKE OUR SECRET OATH! OUR PROMISE! NOW ALL OF FANFICTION WILL BE OUT TO GET YOU! KAYOI ESSPECIALLY! MWHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU PLEASE NO PLEASE!"

Kirito: NO PLEASE DON'T! ERASE DAT!

Me; TOO LATE! IN THE BEGINNING I SAID I WOULD NOT BACKSPACE NO MATTER WHAT SO HA!

End of chappie:

 **AN: omg I despise using caps lock but this was fun.**

 **You: WE STILL WON'T FORGIVE YOU! YOU LEFT KAYOI ALONE TO WRITE TWO CHAPTERS!**

 **Me: yadda yadda ik ik calm down.**

 **Kayoi: that's not very nice**

 **Kokone: I. don't. care**

 **Kayoi: (whispering) considering that you left them hanging for quite a while.. AHEM I SAID NOTHING!**

 **Kokone: I mean.. we all had fun right? I feel accomplished. …..we had fun…right?**

 **Kayoi: say yes or she'll kill you… and I'm not gonna stop her cuz im sleepy**

 **You: …right….**

 **YAY! WELLL ERM! READ OUR OTHER STORYYYYYYY OH YES AND IF YOU WANT ME TO SAY SORRY YOU MUST GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES AND BEG PEASANT! (JOKES JOKES! I ALREADY APOLOGISED IN THE BEGINNING SORRY I JUST HAD TO PUT THAT IN SOMEHWERE!)**


	16. Chapter 16

I want to get even with poor Kayoi

 **AN: I feel bad.. so I'm gonna write a chapter for Kayoi since she wrote 2 for me.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Sword Art Online**

Chapter 16: the very…final….last chapter… you can have my oath on it.

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Kirito went to the park.

 **AN: so that's a wrap! End of chapter! Took me 5 seconds.. phew!**

 **Bye, toodles, sayonara, good night, good morning, good afternoon**

 **-kokone**


End file.
